emo

been using the old samsung for a couple of days while the n73 gets repaired. in it was a treasure chest full of old memories. haha.. its pretty cool really coz some things hv already been forgotten n to use back something frm the past is pretty nostalgic in a nice, floaty sorta way. plus, the wallpaper was a pic taken on the night prior to my best bdae ever! =)

in my yr one in poly, i went through a period of 桃花运. its nothing like wat i hv now coz the 3 ppl i was simultaneously smsing were real life ppl n not just some online personality. i met weiming frm mjc, eric frm tennis elective and zest frm spse. over time, one grew in importance n the others just faded away.. its really funny coz i even found ancient 告白 smses i wrote to the one n some of them were in actually in CHINESE. really drama hor.. =P

thankfully i nv had to sent any of those out. if not really throw face sia.. hehe.

i really shld start studying FA but i muz get something off my chest. i'm jealous. v jealous. super duper jealous in a green-eyed monster sorta way! bahx!!

• a fren of mine who swore he hated his ex for eternity hv since went back into her embrace. tts aft both of them openly criticized n screamed f-words at each other on friendster. n tis is the same someone who told me to nv to give in. BETRAYAL!
  
  
• serkee steps into class all giggly coz desmond called her in the morn. she smiles again in the sweetest way i hv ever seen her smile juz bcoz he called for barely 30 secs in the afternoon. n the way she anxiously checks her hp every hr possibly awaiting tt one sms tt wld make her day just shows how physical dist do not keep two ppl frm being hopelessly besotted with each other. awwwww...
  
  
• cher's bf rushes down to town aft 7pm book-out. tired, hungry n w/o hair juz so he can see her while she is busy hanging out with us. the way she strokes his botak head n make demands of him in her usual high-pitched voice is rather endearing. even the way she automatically clings onto him n become extra giggly in his presence strongly resembles a relationship tt has just started out. dun u tink honey-moon stages of any relationship is the most amazing? u make up each other's world w/o even knowing why. n tt lucky girl gets relive all the wonderful 'first moments' again! *envious*
  
  
• bee bee's love affair is much more low-key. but her continuous smsing throughout the evening with her in-camp bf n how she occassionally mentions him is adorably cute in its own subconcious way.

i guess having ur other half in army is not necessarily a bad thing. frm the looks of it, they all seem to be making do n having a blast of a time adjusting to life w/o their dar dar's constant company while not forgetting to love n tink abt each other continuously. somehow, not having the flexibility of time, makes them cherish every "together" moment much more n even the littlest gesture of care n concern seem to matter so so so much.

cheeleng: "lets go changi 钓阿兵哥!!!"

but i guess its juz not the same by hooking one juz for the sake of hooking. since i hv come to realize its really easy to get a guy to chase u. but its a whole lot harder finding the one who will really make an impact upon u. someone who u love n who loves u back. the one who needs no reason for his "i love you".. ahhh, the ideal fairytale finale!!!

i tot i found my happy ending. n was really looking forward to experiencing wat all my other fortunate dearies hv the priviledge going through now.. but i suppose wat i had was just not strong enough.

it wasn't strong enough to make us wanna hold on a little longer.
it wasn't strong enough to make us stop hurting each other.
it wasn't strong enough to hv the courage to stay true to promises.
it wasn't strong enough to accept each other for who we are.
it wasn't strong enough to surpass obstacles.
it wasn't strong enough to be all tt mattered.
it wasn't strong enough to wanna make the other smile.
it wasn't strong enough to choose to say "你是我的".
it wasn't strong enough to not wanna runaway.
it wasn't strong enough to rectify all the "i'm sorry".
it wasn't strong enough to last.

it wasn't even strong enough for tt one more try.

by choosing to stand alone on the mrt over having someone to lean on. by choosing to bottle things up over having late-night conversations. by choosing to go to sleep alone over having a gd night kiss. by choosing to be bored over having someone to report to. by choosing to be independent over having a constant support. by choosing to not go out at all over going to the same old places. by choosing to be contented over being over-the-moon-happy. by choosing to live through everyday life juz-like-tt over having ups n downs.

i made a choice n tis choice lead me to come to possess a v active friendship circle, a v solid family foundation, a v satisfactory fabulous-looking academic slip, but yet, something v big is evidently missing. my life now has direction but it lacks purpose n it lacks reason to smile. relationships r not impt. one can do with or w/o it.. but then again, its still nice to hv. till the v end, its still nice to hv loved n lost then to not hv loved at all. opportunity costs yeah?

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. mayb i hv walked hm alone one too many times tt instead of becoming fonder, my heart is now number, colder n harder. its quite difficult to cry anymore n tt sucks. coz the emotions r all stuck at throat level - unable to come out n yet, unable to suppress - resulting in a horrible choking sensation. as for the phrase time heals all wounds, its utter bullshit. time doesn't make things recover.. all it does is make one forget the significant memories. forget the whims n fancies of each other. n forget the reason y two ppl got tgt in the first place. forgetting is not curing. forgetting is not moving on. forgetting is juz simply disregarding everything i used to hold dear.

wat happened to "you are my sunshine", wat happened to "you colour up my world", wat happened to "i juz wanna wake up beside you" n wat happened to "till the end of time"?

=(